


let me know what piece i've lost

by philindas



Series: we're in love, aren't we [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Framework AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 02:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10504950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philindas/pseuds/philindas
Summary: “My name is Daisy Johnson. You’ve known me for almost five years now. You were my SO at SHIELD, and you taught me how to be an agent. You…you were the closest thing I’ve ever had to a mom. I need you to remember who I am, May. Please.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> The immediate follow-up to 'the backs of my eyes hum with things i've never done'. The aftermath of the truth. Title still from Welcome Home by Radical Face. At this point it's my last planned story in this universe, but never say never!

“Is there somewhere we can talk privately?” there’s something so sad yet eager in the younger woman’s face, and when Melinda looked at Phil, he nodded.

She carefully knelt before the girls, brushing hair out of both their faces and giving them a smile.

“Why don’t you guys go set up the soccer nets in the backyard? Daddy and I will come be your goalies once we’re finished in here, okay?” she asks, and both Julia and Piper nod excitedly. Impulsively, she pulls them forward, hugging them tightly- they smell like strawberry shampoo and sunscreen and summer sweat, and she swallows around the sudden lump in her throat as she lets them go, watching them race out the backdoor and head for the shed behind the pool.

Phil’s already led the girl- Daisy- into the downstairs study, and she’s shifting her weight from foot to foot; a nervous tick.

“You have something to tell us?” Melinda prompts- Phil sits in the desk chair and she settles on the arm of the chair, his arm settling loosely around her waist. Daisy wrings her hands, biting her lip before she clears her throat.

“None of this is real,” she starts, and both Melinda and Phil frown. “I don’t- I didn’t think it would be this hard. That…that this would be the life I was pulling you from.”

“I think you should go,” Melinda starts, beginning to stand, and Daisy shakes her head, taking a step forward.

“I’m sorry, please just- I need you to listen to me,” there’s a note of pleading in her voice and just the barest trace of terror, and something maternal and strangely familiar twists in Melinda’s chest. “My name is Daisy Johnson. You’ve known me for almost five years now. You were my SO at SHIELD, and you taught me how to be an agent. You…you were the closest thing I’ve ever had to a mom. I need you to remember who I am, May. _Please_.”

“SHIELD fell almost four years ago, and I never trained anyone named Daisy,” Melinda tells her, voice hard.

“Because this isn’t real life,” Daisy’s voice is soft, but strong. “This is a virtual reality created by someone we thought we could trust. But he kidnapped you, and forced you in here.”

“You can’t just come into our home and tell us our- our entire lives aren’t real,” it’s Phil that speaks now, and Melinda places a calming hand in the center of his chest. The motion flares pain in Daisy’s eyes, but she takes another small step forward as she speaks.

“I wish I didn’t have to,” tears glisten in the corners of her dark eyes. “I wish you had this. You have no idea how much I wish I could tell you that those two little girls are real- that you’re married, and happy, and live in a house with a pool and two daughters that look just like the two of you. But in real life you’re the closest thing I have to a dad, and Director of SHIELD, and you’re one of the best people I know. You…you value me. You always have.”

“What do you mean they aren’t real?” Melinda’s voice is soft, but her throat feels like it’s closing up. Her hands shake in her lap, and Phil covers them with his own. Daisy’s face is so, so sad as she looks at them, lower lip trembling. “Of course they’re real. I gave birth to both of them- April 14th and June 25th, at two and six in the morning respectively. They gave me heartburn and stretchmarks.”

She lifts her shirt, but the silvery stretchmarks Piper had given her are no longer there- Phil’s fingers are warm and questioning against her skin, having touched them many times over the years, but the skin is smooth and pale and unblemished.

“I’m so sorry May,” tears slip down Daisy’s cheeks, and something in Melinda’s chest loosens. “I’m so sorry I have to take you from this life, but I need you, please. Please remember.”

She finally steps close enough to touch her, and Melinda gasps, cold flashing through her chest and stunning her momentarily. It’s like something flips in her mind, and there are two lives battling it out in her head, causing her to cry out. She can feel Phil’s hands on her, his voice loud and concerned, but she can only squeeze her eyes shut, letting the twin memories flood through her.

Finally they stop and she’s left gasping, Phil’s familiar touch on her skin, but there’s something hollow in her chest now because she knows this life- this perfect, beautiful life- is nothing more than a dream.

“I’m so, so sorry,” Daisy says as soon as Melinda looks at her, and tears fill Melinda’s eyes as she shakes her head. It isn’t Daisy’s fault, but she can only look at her for another moment before she looks back at Phil. She raises her trembling hands to his face; his cheeks are bristly with stubble, because it’s summer and the weekend and he hasn’t shaved in a few days, too busy making the girls pancakes and helping them with puzzles.

“Phil,” his name comes out more a sob than a word, and he crushes her to his chest as tears pour down her cheeks. A cheer from the backyard comes, and it’s like a knife in Melinda’s chest because Julia and Piper aren’t real, and this world isn’t real, and everything is crashing down around her.

“What’s going on, Lin?” there’s an edge of desperation in Phil’s voice, and her heart breaks in her chest because she has to ruin this for him too. She has to remind him of everything they’ve lost, and how they have none of this, and it’s like she’s the one stabbing an Asgardian scepter through his heart.

“I need you to remember that she’s right, Phil,” she whispers, voice thick, stroking his face with light fingers. “She’s right, and this world isn’t real. And we have to go home, to our real family.”

“This is our family,” Phil insists, and Melinda shakes her head, leaning forward until their foreheads touched.

“I wish it was. With every fiber of my being. But it isn’t, and I need you to remember, Phil. Remember me. Remember your partner,” she’s practically begging, and she can hear Daisy’s uneven breathing in the background, but all she can focus on is Phil. Not her husband, but her partner. The man she loved. “Remember that you mean a lot to me. Please.”

She kisses him, desperate and broken, and she feels him gasp against her mouth, and she knows he’s remembering. She lets out a sob, because ten minutes ago they’d been happy and a family and now Phil’s crying, clutching at her, and Daisy is watching them with tears on her cheeks and a broken expression in her eyes. Phil holds her close, breathing hard, and Melinda closes her eyes.

There is the sound of sneakers on hard wood and two little girls skid into the doorway, frowning at the sight of their parents.

“Mommy? Daddy? What’s going on, what’s wrong, why are you crying?” Julia’s voice rises in pitch as panic sets in, and she turns to Daisy, tears in her eyes. “What did you do to my Mommy and Daddy?”

She tries to hit Daisy, but Melinda catches her by the waist, pulling her into her embrace as the little girl starts to cry, and Piper rushes to Phil’s arms when he beckons her over.

“It’s okay, Julia. It’s okay,” Melinda whispers, stroking her hair and trying to memorize how this feels, to hold someone she made in her arms. What she smells like, the little scar on her knee from when she fell off her bike the first time, the dimple in her cheek she gets from Phil. “This is Daisy, and she’s very special to Mommy and Daddy. She’s kind of your big sister.”

“Big sister? But I’m the big sister,” Julia wipes at her eyes, confused, and Melinda smiles sadly, kissing Julia’s head.

“She’s even bigger than you are,” she whispers, and Piper gives a watery giggle from where she’s wrapped in Phil’s arms, and one look at his face tells her he’s doing the same thing with their baby that Melinda is doing with Julia.

“I think we should properly introduce you,” Phil says, voice hoarse, and he clears his throat as he stands, shifting Piper onto his hip as Melinda helps Julia stand. “Daisy, this is Julia and Piper. Your sisters.”

Tears have spread dark eyeliner down Daisy’s cheeks, and she sobs on her exhale, but she kneels until she’s Julia’s level, giving a tremulous smile. “Hi, Julia. It’s really, really nice to meet you.”

“Hi,” Julia is uncharacteristically shy, and Melinda swallows hard as she looks at Phil, who lets Piper down so she can stand beside her big sister.

“I like your jacket,” Piper tells her softly, and Daisy smiles. “It reminds me of Mommy. She has lotsa jackets like that.”

Daisy’s lower lip trembles.

_

“What will happen to them?” Melinda’s voice is soft as Daisy drives them to where Jemma is supposed to be waiting with Fitz and Mack. Julia and Piper were at their neighbors, and every turn of the wheel was like another fissure in her heart as they drive further and further away. She knows they aren’t real, logically, but it was like she was leaving her heart behind, and the way Phil was gripping her hand told her she wasn’t alone.

_“Will you come back?”_ Piper’s tiny voice echoes in her head, and she fights against the tears burning behind her eyes.

“Once we’re out, we’ll destroy the Framework entirely,” Daisy replies quietly, and Melinda closes her eyes. “Everything in here will cease to exist.”

Neither Melinda nor Phil can reply, and Daisy swallows audibly.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologizes again, and Melinda shakes her head, opening her eyes and meeting Daisy’s in the mirror.

“It isn’t your fault,” she answers, and Phil echoes the sentiment. “It wasn’t real.”

“It felt real,” Phil says after a moment, and she looks at him, finding his blue eyes impossibly old and sad. She doesn’t answer, just looks at him, and knows they’ll never truly be the same.

_

The team returns. The Framework is destroyed. Radcliffe and Agnes’ bodies are buried. Mace is on the brink of death, his body almost failing, and so he’s put into a medicated coma.

The first night they’re able to rest, Melinda finds herself tossing and turning in her bed- it’s too cold and too empty and her chest is caving in. She pulls on a hoodie and pads through the halls in socks until she reaches Phil’s room, and walks right in without knocking because she knows his door is unlocked.

“I remember what it feels like to sleep next to you and I miss it,” she tells him, unzipping the hoodie and toeing off her socks before she slides in next to him, curling up with her head on his chest, under his chin. His arms slip around her like a memory, and she closes her eyes, cheeks already wet.

“It feels like there should be two more bodies in this bed,” his whisper is hoarse and raw with pain, and Melinda can only nod because he’s right- Julia and Piper are like two missing entities tying a family that never existed together, and it hurts.

“I really liked being a mom,” Melinda whispers, a sob, and it opens the floodgates.

Phil holds her as she breaks, tears of his own dripping into her hair, and together they mourn a life that never really was. A life with two little girls that look like them, a house with a pool, and a marriage that starts with spilled beer and a sweater vest. They don’t wear matching rings, and she doesn’t have stretchmarks- Friday nights don’t mean pizza and a princess movie.

But they do have a family. And Phil reminds her of that, once they’re both cried out and on the brink of sleep, wrapped up together in a cocoon of darkness and each other. Daisy and Jemma and Fitz and Mack and Elena. He whispers the names over and over and over again as she slips into dreams of little girl laughs and s’mores by the fire.

_

Healing is slow.

They move off-base, once Mace is awake and recovering. It’s silent, this thing between them- she loves him and he loves her, and it’s been too long to play games. He kisses her like she doesn’t have sharp edges, and she touches him like he isn’t a monster.

It takes a long time for the ache of Julia and Piper to fade. She knows it will never leave- there will always be two holes in her heart, just like there will be in Phil’s. The memories of their life in the Framework are a part of them, but it’s easier to hear a small child laugh than it used to be.

The house they buy is a single story with an attached garage for Lola, and a small backyard. Melinda plants a garden with some instruction from her mother, and Phil attempts to teach her to cook in their bright yellow kitchen. She does tai chi in the sun room, Phil dozing in the armchair.

They talk about it- a child. But in the end, the idea is too painful, and they’re content with the family they have. It’s not long before Jemma and Fitz announce they’re expecting, and they assume Mack and Elena aren’t far behind, and it’s enough.

_

“What did you do?” she raises an eyebrow, and Phil pulls his arms from behind his back, a ball of golden fur squirming in his hands.

“This is Frances, but she likes Frankie,” he tells her as she takes the puppy from him, and the animal promptly licked her entire face.

“Phil, why did you get us a puppy?” she asks as they settle on the floor of the living room, Frankie puppy-growling at the stuffed turtle Phil waved at her muzzle.

“Because I officially put in my request for retirement today,” he tells her, looking at her softly as Frankie climbed into her lap, nudging at her hand. “And I figured you could use a tai chi partner.”

“You really filed it?” she asks, stunned, and Phil nods as she scooted closer, cupping his cheek.

“I’ve given over half my life to SHIELD. I’ve lost a lot,” he swallows, and Melinda lays her head on his shoulder. “I think it’s time I spend time with the woman I love. I’ve given SHIELD enough.”

Melinda laced their fingers together, Frankie stretched out on the carpet facedown, and took a breath.

“I love you too,” she whispers, feeling his lips brush the top of her head. “I filed my request today too. Surprised Mace didn’t make a comment.”

“I think everyone knows we deserve this,” is his soft answer. Frankie snuffles sleepily, rolling over to flop on her back, and Melinda chuckles softly.

“She’s cute,” she says, stroking the puppy’s stomach. “But I think we should call her something else.”

“What did you have in mind?” he asks, and she leans closer.

“I think we should call her Jules.”


End file.
